My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 12

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Day 12

Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:

And ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

“I am so weak I cannot write; I cannot read my Bible; I cannot even pray.

I can only lie still in God’s arms like a little child, and trust.

-Hudson Taylor

-that is all God asks of you, His dear child, when you grow faint in the fires of affliction.

Do not try to be strong.

Just be still and know that He is God, and will sustain you, and bring you through.

-Streams In The Desert

Lord, I am in need of Your rest.

Rest for my physical body.

Rest for my soul.

Thank You that You are always with me.

Thank You for the Bible Study group.

Thank You for the community of believers that surrounds me, encourages me, supports me, and loves me.

Through The Dark Valley – Day 11

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Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the Lord hath heard the voice of my weeping.

The Lord hath heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer.

Psalm 6:8-9

I don’t know how, but You, O God, will bring me through this.

I have said before:

You are enough.

Now I will live it.

You are enough.

You are my strength.

You are my Source.

Thank You for keeping me.

Thank You for loving me.

Thank You for saving me.

Thank You for using me.

I am willing to be made willing.

“Prayer is suffering’s best result.”

Eugene Peterson

“O my God, teach me, when the shadows have gathered, that I am only in a tunnel.

It is enough for me to know that it will be all right some day. “

George Matheson

“ ‘The road is too rough,’ I said;

‘It is uphill all the way;

No flowers, but thorns instead;

And the skies over head are grey.’

But One took my hand at the entrance dim,

And sweet is the road that I walk with Him.

“ ‘ The cross is too great,’ I cried –

‘More than the back can bear,

So rough and heavy and wide,

And nobody by to care.’

And One stooped softly and touched my hand:

‘I know. I care. I understand.’

“Then why do we fret and sigh;

Cross-bearers all we go:

But the road ends by and by

In the dearest place we know,

And every step in the journey we

May take in the Lord’s own company.”

-Streams In The Desert

Patience is more than endurance. A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says – “I cannot stand any more.”

God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God’s hands.

For what have you need of patience just now?

Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith.

“Though He slay me, yet I will wait for Him.”

Oswald Chambers  My Utmost For His Highest

Lord, I am being stretched tighter than I have ever been

I will trust in You – in Your purpose

I am willing to be made willing

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 10

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Where will this road lead?

Day 10

Look the Lord your God has set the land before you;

Go up and possess it, as the Lord God of your fathers has spoken to you;

Do not fear or be discouraged.

Deuteronomy 1:21

God, You have set me on a new path, one I never imagined.

You must lead me.

You must guide me.

I know that You will for You promised to never leave me alone.

I Trust!

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 9

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Day 9

And so it begins – life as a “widow” – such a strange feeling.

When we lose a parent we don’t stop being their child.

When we lose a child we don’t cease to be a parent.

Yet when we lose a spouse we are no longer a wife or husband.

But I still “feel” married.

When the Sadducees come to Jesus with their trick question regarding a woman who is married to seven brothers – one after the other as each one dies – leaving her a widow with no children – they end with this question: “At the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven?

Jesus responded in Matthew 22:29-30

Ye do err, not knowing the Scriptures, nor the power of God.

For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage,

but are as the angels of God in heaven.

The commentary from The Interpreter’s Bible explains it this way:

Here Christ does not break the bonds of human love: He strengthens them. He says that hereafter the bonds shall be of finer texture, and that love shall have a truer and holier instrumentalities. We shall know our loved ones – with eyes not filmed by flesh, and with surer faith.

There human love shall be transfigured – not lost, but redeemed in the resurrection promised in the gospel.

I may not fully understand this, but I trust.

I trust God’s plan for me – for us.

So I celebrate Olin’s transition.

He no longer hurts.

His body is healed.

His spirit knows true peace – the peace that is beyond human understanding.

He knows true JOY – for he cannot be in Your Presence and not experience JOY.

Lord, let him know that we are in Your care.

Yes, we hurt. Yes, we miss him. But we know where he is.

Lord, there is an empty space within me.

Fill it, O God, give me more of You.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 8

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Day 8

God’s song for me this day – I made a slight change to personalize it.

Sweet Holy Spirit, Sweet heavenly Dove,

Stay right here with me, filling me with Your love.

And for these blessings I lift my heart in praise.

Without a doubt I’ll know that I have been revived,

When I shall leave this place.

Thank You, God, for the celebration of Olin’s life; for the experience of having the sanctuary filled with the Holy Spirit; for the love and support of so many family and friends; for those who watched remotely; and for each and every prayer lifted for us.

Thank You for walking with me through this past week; for smoothing the rough road; for holding me close; for Your Holy Spirit which strengthens me and keeps me.

This morning I walked back into that sanctuary to worship and praise You. I sat in our regular pew with Emma and Charlotte on one side of me and Jacob on my other side. I was surrounded by a church family who are with me in this most difficult time. Thank You Father – I am not alone.

Thank You, only two little words, but my heart is full of praise and thanksgiving, even to this day when the sense of loss is so deep. So I say THANK YOU GOD! I pray that in all of this You would receive honor, glory and praise.

And the God of all grace,

who called you to His eternal glory in Christ,

after you have suffered a little while,

will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.

I Peter 5:10

There is a peace, which is not the peace of the Son of God.

Be not that our peace, O God!

We cannot know Thy stillness until it is broken.

There is no music in the silence until we have heard the roar of battle!

We cannot see Thy beauty until it is shaded.

After the shadows, the sunlight will come.

– Springs In The Valley

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 7

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Day 7

I bore you on eagle’s wings and brought you to Myself.  

Exodus 19:4b

Thank You, Lord, for carrying me through this week.

I never imagined this was where I would be in my life but You are with me.

I made it through this week, and I will make it through this day and his memorial service.

Thank You for yesterday, for giving me the words at the graveside.

God, give me the words this day to speak to our greater family, to our friends and neighbors,

to our church family both here in Delaware and in Missouri.

I thank You for the technology that enables people to hear the service wherever they may be.

And I thank You for the support system You have surround us with.

Speak through me Father, Your words,

that all may understand how much they need a relationship with You.

Use me for Your glory.

I am willing to be made willing.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 6

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Day 6

This morning we gathered at the graveside.

It was an intimate gathering,

this family God created,

not a formal service,

just me speaking of the love Olin had for each one of us,

of how proud he was of each one of us.

God met us there.

Simple words were spoken. Grief was shared. Love was abundant!

And then we return to our home for a simple lunch,

for sharing stories and looking at pictures, just being together.

Thank You, Lord, for giving me the words to speak to this family You created.

Thank You for Your presence at that grave.

Thank You that You do not leave us alone, but are always with us.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:

for Thou art with me;

Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 5

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Day 5

I cried unto the Lord with my voice, and He heard me out of His holy hill.

Selah.

I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the Lord sustained me.

Psalm 3:4-5

Thank You Lord, for sleep.

Thank You Lord, for giving me rest.

I went to the funeral home today.

Seeing him in the casket made it real.

But he was not there. It was an empty shell.

What made him – Olin – was not there.

“Why do you look for the living among the dead?”

God, he is with You.

He is experiencing the awesomeness of God.

I wait for the day when we can share that experience –

that heavenly Family Reunion!

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 4

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As the plow cuts a deep furrow in the field – so this pain cuts a deep furrow in my heart.

Lord, You are preparing my heart for the seed You will plant.

Day 4  5:30 a.m.

Lord, I thank You for Larry Pippin. He made a difficult day much easier.

I appreciate his kindness and concern.

Olin is with you and no longer needs his earthly body but I know that his body will be treated with respect and cared for in a loving manner – I trust Larry to do this.

Lord, be in the planning of this service.

May Your Name be lifted up in praise.

May the gospel of Jesus Christ be heard.

Use this for Your glory.

God’s Song For Me This Day

Years I spent in vanity and pride,

Caring not my Lord was crucified,

Knowing not it was for me He died

            On Calvary.

By God’s Word at last I learned,

Then I trembled at the law I’d spurned,

Till my guilty soul imploring turned

            To Calvary.

Now I’ve given to Jesus everything,

Now I gladly own Him as my King,

Now my raptured soul can only sing

            Of Calvary.

O, the love that drew salvation’s plan!

O, the grace that brought it down to man!

O, the mighty gulf that God did span

            At Calvary!

Mercy there was great and grace was free;

Pardon there was multiplied to me;

There my burdened soul found liberty,

            At Calvary!

More Reality Moments:

Meeting with Larry to make the arrangements and meeting with the cemetery staff.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 3

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Day 3     6 a.m.

O thank You, Lord God!

You have eased my heart.

Olin is with You and I will see him again.

You knew his heart.

You saw his pain.

You have been with him throughout his life and You were with him in the woods on Sunday.

You heard his cry, “God forgive me.”

You were with me on Sunday morning.

You are always with me.

You held me close these past 42 hours.

You patiently led me to Your truth and I was able to smile this morning,

to feel the joy of the Lord,

to know that Olin is with You.

God, You are so good to me!

God’s Song For Me This Day

I don’t know about tomorrow, I just live from day to day.

I don’t borrow form its sunshine, for its skies may turn to gray.

I don’t worry o’er the future, for I know what Jesus said

And today I’ll walk beside Him, for He knows what lies ahead.

Many things about tomorrow, I don’t seem to understand;

But I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand.

Every step is getting brighter, as the golden stairs I climb;

Every burden’s getting lighter, every cloud is silver lined.

There the sun is always shining, there no tear will dim the eye

At the ending on the rainbow, where the mountains touch the sky.

Many things about tomorrow, I don’t seem to understand;

But I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand.

I don’t know about tomorrow, it may bring me poverty;

But the One who feeds the sparrow, is the One who stands by me.

And the path that be my portion, may be through the flame or flood,

But His presence goes before me, and I’m covered by the blood.

Many things about tomorrow, I don’t seem to understand;

But I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand.

Reality Moments – when it hits you that your loved one is really gone and your life is changed.

Monday is usually laundry day and as I folded the clothes I realized that this would be the last time I did his laundry. This was the first of my “reality” moments.

I don’t know where this road will take me but I do know the final destination!