My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 35

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Saturday, June 1st

Day 35

I entreat you, give no place to despondency.

This is a dangerous temptation – a refined, not a gross temptation of the adversary.

Melancholy contracts and withers the heart, and renders it unfit to receive the impressions of grace.

It magnifies and gives a false coloring to objects, and thus renders your burdens too heavy to bear.

God’s designs regarding you, and His methods of bringing about these designs, are infinitely wise.

-Madam Guyon

-Streams In The Desert

Thank You Lord. For this new day.

Thank You for Your special touch yesterday.

You broke my heart for those who are lost.

Lord. Give me the words to share.

Show me my part in Your plan.

Use me as You choose.

I am willing to be made willing.

Does Olin know that they mowed the pasture on Memorial Day and baled the hay today?

Does he know that his strawberry plants produced an abundant harvest?

Does he know that his chickens are growing and so is his garden?

Lord, I do miss him so – but I am OK – You are with me.

However, I do cry at the dumbest things!

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 34

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May 31st

Day 34

Thank You Lord, for this new day.

Thank You for the robin who sings to me from my roof top when I go out in the morning to let the chickens out of their coop.

Thank You for the frogs making their home in my garden.

Thank You for my garden, for the opportunity to watch things grow, and for the privilege of feeding the family from the food produced.

Are things as I always thought that they would be?

No, but my soul is at peace this morning.

Will there still be those bad days?

Probably so, but I will get through them for You are with me.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 33

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Thursday, May 30th

Day 33

And I looked, and lo, a Lamb stood on the mount Sin,

and with Him an hundred forty and four thousand,

having His Father’s name written in their foreheads.

And I heard a voice from heaven, as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of a great thunder:

and I heard the voice of harpers harping with their harps;

and they sung as it were a new song before the throne, and before the four beasts, and the elders:

and no man could learn that song but the hundred and forty and four thousand,

which were redeemed from the earth. 

Revelation 14:1-3

Despise not the school of sorrow, O my soul;

it will give thee a unique part in the universal song.

-George Matheson

There are songs which can only be learned in the valley.

No art can teach them; no rules of voice can make them perfectly sung.

Their music is in the heart.

They are songs of memory, of personal experience.

They bring out their burden from the shadow of the past; they mount the wings of yesterday.

-Streams In The Desert

LORD, You are teaching me a new song.

Praising You in the midst of the pain provides for me, the healing experience.

Thank You, God!

Knowing that I am not standing alone brings me comfort.

Experiencing small touches of Your mercy and Your grace throughout my day reminds me – I am not forgotten.

This is not a part that I would have chosen for myself but when I surrendered my will it became Your choice for my life, and I accept that.

Teach me to sing this new part You have for me.

Use me as You choose.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 32

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Wednesday, May 29th

Day 32

But I say unto you,

that every idle word that men shall speak,

they shall give an account thereof in the day of judgment.

For by thy words thou shalt be justified,

and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. 

Matthew 12:36-37

He that hath knowledge spareth his words:

and a man of understanding is of excellent spirit.

Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise:

and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed as a man of understanding.

Proverbs 17:27-28

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

James 2:19-20

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,

but that which is good to the use of edifying,

that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Ephesians 4:29

-for every idle word there will be a time of accounting

-idle words are careless words – they reveal what is in the heart

Lord, help me to think before speaking – to keep silent when I have nothing of value to say – to remember that words can hurt.

Lord, guide my writing.

Give me the words to share my heart.

Words that encourage.

Words that heal.

Words that teach.

Words that nourish the soul.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

Proverbs 25:11

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 31

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Tuesday May 28th

Day 31

I’ve been on my own for a month.

I’m learning a new routine.

I’ve had to watch the gas gauge and remember to put gas in the truck.

I’ve taken the trash and the recycle materials.

I’ve fed and watered the chickens and cleaned their coop.

I’ve planted the rest of the potatoes and onions he purchased.

I’ve picked the strawberries he planted.

We were a team. I had my responsibilities, and he had his, but we worked together. We depended upon each other. Lord, this is hard. It isn’t that I can’t do these things but I miss my other half.

I mourn the loss of time.

Memorial Day reminded me that many others had even less time.

Young men and women who died serving their country – far from home and family.

We were blessed to have had so may years together.

We had time – time to be a family – time to make memories – time to love – to laugh – to experience life.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 30

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Monday, May 27th

Day 30

“Jesus Wept”

Jesus knew as He was traveling to Bethany that Lazarus had died.

Jesus knew as He met with Mary and Marha that Lazarus would be raised from the dead.

Jesus knew – and yet He wept.

He wept because knowing the end of the story doesn’t mean you can’t cry at the sad parts.

Being compassionate and empathetic with people is not about being right or correcting emotions.

It’s about entering in a burdensome place with people

and choosing to bear it with them to help them through it.

-Doug Hannah

A small pre-dawn melt-down this morning.

Poor Ms. Pepper retreated to her crate but now she is back by my side.

Step by step, moment by moment.

Lord, I am so glad that You are with me.

I could not walk this path alone.

Thank You for a support system that reaches far and wide – From the Atlantic to the Pacific –

for friends like Effie who sit beside me, who hold my hand, and who cry with me.

Only You could have made this possible,

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 29

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Sunday, May 26th

Day 29

Lord, You speak to me in Your Word.

Yesterday I was done – but You were there.

Hast thou not known?

Hast thou not heard,

that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth,

fainteth not, neither is weary?

There is no searching of His understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might He increaseth strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings as eagles;

they shall run, and not be weary;

and they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Lord, You speak to me in the old hymns of the faith.

Oft-times the day seems long, our trials hard to bear,

We’re tempted to complain, to murmur and despair;

But Christ will soon appear to catch His Bride away,

All tears forever over in God’s eternal day.

—

Sometimes the sky looks dark with not a ray of light,

We’re tossed and driven on, no human help in sight;

But there is One on heav’n who knows our deepest care,

Let Jesus solve your problem – just go to Him in prayer.

—

Life’s day will soon be o’er, all storms forever past,

We’ll cross the great divide to glory, safe at last;

We’ll share the joys of heav’n – a harp, a home, a crown,

The tempter will be banished, we’ll lay our burden down.

Chorus

It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,

Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ;

One glimpse of His dear face

All sorrows will erase,

So bravely run the race

Till we see Christ,

-Esther K. Rusthoi

When I lift my heart, my head, my hands – and praise You, O Lord,

You give me a song!

There is nothing that pleases the Lord so much as praise.

There is no test of faith so true as the grace of thanksgiving.

Are you praising God enough?

Are you thanking Him for your actual blessings that are more than can be numbered,

and are you daring to praise Him even for those trials which are all but blessings in disguise?

Have you learned to praise Him in advance for the things that have not yet come?

“Thou waitest for deliverance! O soul, thou waitest long!

Believe that now deliverance doth wait for thee in song!

“Sigh not until deliverance thy fettered feet doth free:

With songs of great deliverance God now doth compass thee.”

-Streams In The Desert

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 27

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May 24th

Day 27

Give others the sunshine, tell Jesus the rest.

I must tell Jesus all of my trials;

I cannot bear these burdens alone;

In my distress He kindly will help me;

He ever loves and cares for His own.

I must tell Jesus!

I must tell Jesus!

I cannot bear these burdens alone;

I must tell Jesus!

I must tell Jesus!

Jesus can help me, Jesus alone.

O God, I bring to You my heavy heart.

I cast on You my every care.

You know my burden.

I leave it with You and take away with me the song you give me.

Yes, I have suffered loss, but I always have You.

My loss is only temporary.

Death is but a passage to a new life.

A life not stained by sin.

Eternal life with You.

So I can sing because You give me the song.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 26

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I will stand upon my watch,

and set me upon the tower,

and will watch to see what He will say to me,

and what I shall answer when I am reproved.

And the Lord answered me, and said,

Write the vision,

and make it plain upon tables,

that he may run that readeth it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time,

but at the end it shall speak, and not lie:

though it tarry, wait for it;

because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

Habakkuk 2:1-3

It is perfect rest to fully learn and wholly trust this glorious promise.

We may know without a question that His purposes shall be accomplished

when we have fully committed our way to Him

and are walking in watchful obedience to His every prompting.

This faith will give a calm and tranquil poise to the spirit

and save us from the restless fret of trying to do too much ourselves.

Wait,

and every wrong will righten;

Wait,

and every cloud will brighten,

If only you will wait.

-A.B. Simpson

-Springs In The Valley

“Write the vision.”

For years I have been writing my daily conversations with God in black composition books. I now have bookshelves filled with years of this faith journey.

It has helped me to see where I have been and where God is taking me.

When I began this journey on April 28th, I knew I would not make it without holding fast to God’s hand, and telling Him my heart’s hurts and listening to His guidance. I did not expect Him to ask me to share my private thoughts. But that is exactly what He did.

It didn’t happen that first day. God had to get me through the initial shock and confusion, but I began sharing on May 11th and there have been some days that I just could not get on the computer so there is a time lag of about 20 days. It has been 46 days and I am only on day 26. There were days when all I could do was read my Bible and my devotionals (in case you haven’t noticed I have three favorites – Springs In The Valley, Streams In The Desert, and My Utmost For His Highest) and always talking to God.

Thank you to each one of you who have shared your thoughts with me, encouraged me, prayed for me, and loved me. You will never know how much it matters!