My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 15

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Day 15

I was glad when they said unto me,

Let us go into the house of the Lord.

Our feet shall stand within thy gates, O Jerusalem.

Jerusalem is builded as a city that is compact together:

whither the tribes go up,

the tribes of the Lord,

unto the testimony of Israel,

to give thanks unto the name of the Lord.

For there are set thrones of judgment,

the thrones of the house of David.

Pray for the peace of Jerusalem:

they shall prosper that love thee.

Peace within thy walls,

and prosperity within thy palaces.

For my brethren and companion’s sake,

I will now say,

Peace be within thee.

Because of the house of the Lord our God I will seek thy good.

Psalm 122

KJV

Lord, Sunday seems to be my most difficult day.

I miss him all the time, but especially so on Sunday.

Sitting in our regular space without him by my side brings the loss home to me.

The tears usually begin to fall during the singing.

 I am not alone for family and friends have sat with me,

held my hand, and sometimes cried with me.

Thank You for the support system that surrounds me.

Thank You for Your mercy and Your grace.

I will praise You through my tears.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 14

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I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God,

that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice,

holy, acceptable unto God,

which is your reasonable service.

And be not conformed to this world:

But be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind,

That ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Romans 12:1-2

KJV

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you:

Take your everyday, ordinary life

 – your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life –

and place it before God as an offering.

Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him.

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit it without even thinking.

Instead, fix your attention on God.

You’ll be changed from the inside out.

Readily recognize what He wants from you, and quickly respond to it.

Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity,

God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

The Message

Thank You Lord, for a more restful sleep.

Thank You for the progress I made yesterday – the bookcases are more organized, the bedroom is coming together, and I’m writing on the blog once again.

Thank You that everyday You send me something, some indication, that You are with me – a scripture verse, a song, a card in the mail with just the right words.

Lord, You are my constant companion.

We are engaged in a continuous conversation.

Thank You for that.

Guide me this day.

Give me the words that You would have me speak.

Use me for Your glory.

Lord, show me the way forward on this journey I am now on.

I don’t need to know where I’ll be a year from now, but I do need You to direct my steps moment by moment.

My Song For Today

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

Take my moments and my days; let them flow in endless praise.

Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.

Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always, only, for my King.

Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee.

Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.

Take my intellect and use every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.

Take my heart it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love; my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.

Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.\

-Frances Ridley Havergal

Lord, I pray for those who do not know You, those living life without hope.

Open their eyes, unstop their ears, break their stony hearts.

We see the results of lives lived without You.

Our world is a mess.

They run after every solution but You, not realizing the You are our only HOPE.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 13

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Day 13

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked, even min enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh,

they stumbled and fell.

Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear:

though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.

One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after;

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple.

For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion:

in the secret of His tabernacle shall He hide me;

He shall set me up upon a rock.

And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me:

therefore will I offer in His tabernacle sacrifices of joy;

I will sing, yea, I will sing praise unto the Lord.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

When Thou said, Seek My face; my heart said unto Thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek.

Hide not Thy face far from me; put not Thy servant away in anger:

Thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.

Teach me Thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.

Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies:

for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart:

Wait, I say, on the Lord.

Psalm 27

Then said his wife unto him,

Dost thou still retain thy integrity?

Curse God, and die.

But he said unto her,

Thou speakest as one of the women speaketh.

What?

Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?

Job 2:9-10

KJV

His wife said,

“Still holding on to your precious integrity, are you?

Curse God and be done with it.”

He told her,

“You’re talking like an empty-headed fool.

We take the good days from God – why not also the bad days?”

The Message

Lord, You are so good to me.

Thank You!

You do not leave me in the midst of my distress.

You are with me.

You surround me with love.

Thank You!

Lord, give me more of You.

Fill this hole in my heart with more of You.

Thank You for Olin – for all the years – for all the memories – for the family and friends – for the life we built together.

We were blessed.

We are blessed.

Because it isn’t over.

Life goes on – a new path – but it does go on.

Eternal life is promised.

Jesus said,

Because I live, ye shall live also.

God, You have given us so much good,

even the bad times are useful,

teaching us to live life abundantly,

so I will praise You, even to this day.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 12

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Day 12

Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:

And ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

“I am so weak I cannot write; I cannot read my Bible; I cannot even pray.

I can only lie still in God’s arms like a little child, and trust.

-Hudson Taylor

-that is all God asks of you, His dear child, when you grow faint in the fires of affliction.

Do not try to be strong.

Just be still and know that He is God, and will sustain you, and bring you through.

-Streams In The Desert

Lord, I am in need of Your rest.

Rest for my physical body.

Rest for my soul.

Thank You that You are always with me.

Thank You for the Bible Study group.

Thank You for the community of believers that surrounds me, encourages me, supports me, and loves me.

Through The Dark Valley – Day 11

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Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the Lord hath heard the voice of my weeping.

The Lord hath heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer.

Psalm 6:8-9

I don’t know how, but You, O God, will bring me through this.

I have said before:

You are enough.

Now I will live it.

You are enough.

You are my strength.

You are my Source.

Thank You for keeping me.

Thank You for loving me.

Thank You for saving me.

Thank You for using me.

I am willing to be made willing.

“Prayer is suffering’s best result.”

Eugene Peterson

“O my God, teach me, when the shadows have gathered, that I am only in a tunnel.

It is enough for me to know that it will be all right some day. “

George Matheson

“ ‘The road is too rough,’ I said;

‘It is uphill all the way;

No flowers, but thorns instead;

And the skies over head are grey.’

But One took my hand at the entrance dim,

And sweet is the road that I walk with Him.

“ ‘ The cross is too great,’ I cried –

‘More than the back can bear,

So rough and heavy and wide,

And nobody by to care.’

And One stooped softly and touched my hand:

‘I know. I care. I understand.’

“Then why do we fret and sigh;

Cross-bearers all we go:

But the road ends by and by

In the dearest place we know,

And every step in the journey we

May take in the Lord’s own company.”

-Streams In The Desert

Patience is more than endurance. A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says – “I cannot stand any more.”

God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God’s hands.

For what have you need of patience just now?

Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith.

“Though He slay me, yet I will wait for Him.”

Oswald Chambers  My Utmost For His Highest

Lord, I am being stretched tighter than I have ever been

I will trust in You – in Your purpose

I am willing to be made willing

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 10

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Where will this road lead?

Day 10

Look the Lord your God has set the land before you;

Go up and possess it, as the Lord God of your fathers has spoken to you;

Do not fear or be discouraged.

Deuteronomy 1:21

God, You have set me on a new path, one I never imagined.

You must lead me.

You must guide me.

I know that You will for You promised to never leave me alone.

I Trust!

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 9

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Day 9

And so it begins – life as a “widow” – such a strange feeling.

When we lose a parent we don’t stop being their child.

When we lose a child we don’t cease to be a parent.

Yet when we lose a spouse we are no longer a wife or husband.

But I still “feel” married.

When the Sadducees come to Jesus with their trick question regarding a woman who is married to seven brothers – one after the other as each one dies – leaving her a widow with no children – they end with this question: “At the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven?

Jesus responded in Matthew 22:29-30

Ye do err, not knowing the Scriptures, nor the power of God.

For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage,

but are as the angels of God in heaven.

The commentary from The Interpreter’s Bible explains it this way:

Here Christ does not break the bonds of human love: He strengthens them. He says that hereafter the bonds shall be of finer texture, and that love shall have a truer and holier instrumentalities. We shall know our loved ones – with eyes not filmed by flesh, and with surer faith.

There human love shall be transfigured – not lost, but redeemed in the resurrection promised in the gospel.

I may not fully understand this, but I trust.

I trust God’s plan for me – for us.

So I celebrate Olin’s transition.

He no longer hurts.

His body is healed.

His spirit knows true peace – the peace that is beyond human understanding.

He knows true JOY – for he cannot be in Your Presence and not experience JOY.

Lord, let him know that we are in Your care.

Yes, we hurt. Yes, we miss him. But we know where he is.

Lord, there is an empty space within me.

Fill it, O God, give me more of You.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 8

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Day 8

God’s song for me this day – I made a slight change to personalize it.

Sweet Holy Spirit, Sweet heavenly Dove,

Stay right here with me, filling me with Your love.

And for these blessings I lift my heart in praise.

Without a doubt I’ll know that I have been revived,

When I shall leave this place.

Thank You, God, for the celebration of Olin’s life; for the experience of having the sanctuary filled with the Holy Spirit; for the love and support of so many family and friends; for those who watched remotely; and for each and every prayer lifted for us.

Thank You for walking with me through this past week; for smoothing the rough road; for holding me close; for Your Holy Spirit which strengthens me and keeps me.

This morning I walked back into that sanctuary to worship and praise You. I sat in our regular pew with Emma and Charlotte on one side of me and Jacob on my other side. I was surrounded by a church family who are with me in this most difficult time. Thank You Father – I am not alone.

Thank You, only two little words, but my heart is full of praise and thanksgiving, even to this day when the sense of loss is so deep. So I say THANK YOU GOD! I pray that in all of this You would receive honor, glory and praise.

And the God of all grace,

who called you to His eternal glory in Christ,

after you have suffered a little while,

will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.

I Peter 5:10

There is a peace, which is not the peace of the Son of God.

Be not that our peace, O God!

We cannot know Thy stillness until it is broken.

There is no music in the silence until we have heard the roar of battle!

We cannot see Thy beauty until it is shaded.

After the shadows, the sunlight will come.

– Springs In The Valley

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 7

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Day 7

I bore you on eagle’s wings and brought you to Myself.  

Exodus 19:4b

Thank You, Lord, for carrying me through this week.

I never imagined this was where I would be in my life but You are with me.

I made it through this week, and I will make it through this day and his memorial service.

Thank You for yesterday, for giving me the words at the graveside.

God, give me the words this day to speak to our greater family, to our friends and neighbors,

to our church family both here in Delaware and in Missouri.

I thank You for the technology that enables people to hear the service wherever they may be.

And I thank You for the support system You have surround us with.

Speak through me Father, Your words,

that all may understand how much they need a relationship with You.

Use me for Your glory.

I am willing to be made willing.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 6

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Day 6

This morning we gathered at the graveside.

It was an intimate gathering,

this family God created,

not a formal service,

just me speaking of the love Olin had for each one of us,

of how proud he was of each one of us.

God met us there.

Simple words were spoken. Grief was shared. Love was abundant!

And then we return to our home for a simple lunch,

for sharing stories and looking at pictures, just being together.

Thank You, Lord, for giving me the words to speak to this family You created.

Thank You for Your presence at that grave.

Thank You that You do not leave us alone, but are always with us.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil:

for Thou art with me;

Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.