My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 39

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June 5th

Day 39

3 a.m. meltdown –

Lord, I fall apart at the strangest times.

I am weary with my groaning;

All the night I make my bed to swim;

I water my couch with my tears.

Psalm 6:6

I never know when it will come.

Something triggers a memory and I fall apart.

Thank You, O God, that You are with me.

I am not alone in my time of trouble.

My Song For This Day

I must tell Jesus all of my trials;

I cannot bear these burdens alone;

In my distress He kindly will help me;

He ever loves and cares for His own.

I must tell Jesus!

I must tell Jesus!

I cannot bear my burdens alone.

I must tell Jesus!

I must tell Jesus!

Jesus can help me, Jesus alone.

I must tell Jesus all of my troubles;

He is a kind, compassionate Friend;

If I but ask Him, He will deliver,

And in my griefs with me He will blend.

Tempted and tried I need a great Savior,

One who can help my burdens to bear;

I must tell Jesus, I must tell Jesus;

He all my cares and sorrows will share.

O how the word to evil allures me!

O how my heart is tempted to sin!

I must tell Jesus; He will enable

Over the world the victory to win.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 38

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June 4th

Day 38

Sow to yourselves in righteousness,

Reap in mercy;

Break up your fallow ground:

For it is time to seek the Lord,

Till He come and rain righteousness upon you.

Hosea 10:12

Now the parable is this:

The seed is the Word of God.

Those by the wayside are they that hear;

Then cometh the devil,

And taketh away the word out of their hearts,

Lest they should believe and be saved.

They on the rock are they, which, when they hear,

Receive the word with joy;

And these have no root,

Which for a while believe,

And in times of temptation fall away.

And that which fell among the thorns are they,

Which, when they have heard, go forth,

And are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life,

And bring no fruit to perfection.

But that on the good ground are they,

Which in an honest and good heart,

Having heard the word, keep it,

And bring forth fruit with patience.

Luke 8:11-15

At any time, the receptiveness of your heart will determine your response to God’s Word.

-Experiencing God Day By Day

Lord, I thank You for Your Word.

I thank You for the faithful men and women who preach Your Word and who teach Your Word.

Bless each one who reads Your Word, who meditates on Your Word, who studies to understand and to put into practice Your Word.

May they bear fruit.

Thy testimonies are wonderful:

Therefore doth my soul keep them.

The entrance of Thy words giveth light;

It giveth understanding unto the simple.

I opened my mouth, and panted;

For I longed for Thy commandments.

Look Thou upon me, and be merciful unto me,

As Thou used to do unto those that love Thy name.

Order my steps in Thy Word:

And let not any iniquity have dominion over me.

Deliver me from the oppression of man:

So will I keep Thy precepts.

Make Thy face to shine upon Thy servant;

And teach me Thy statutes.

Rivers of waters run down mine eyes,

Because they keep not Thy law.

Psalm 119:129-136

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 36

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Sunday, June 2nd

Day 36

To whom then would ye liken Me, or shall I be equal?

Saith the Holy One.

Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things,

that bringeth out their host be number:

He called them all by names by the greatness of His might,

for that He is strong in power;

not one faileth.

Isaiah 40:25-26

Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in His ways.

For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.

Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house:

thy children like olive plants  round about thy table.

Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord.

The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion:

and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.

Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s children, and peace upon Israel.

Psalm 128

The only way to learn strong faith is to endure great trials.

I have learned my faith by standing firm amid severe testing.

-George Mueller

The time to trust is when all else fails.

“Be not afraid, only believe.”

And if you are afraid, just look up and say,

“What time I am afraid I will trust in Thee.”

And you will yet thank God for the school of sorrow which was to you the school of faith.

-A.B. Simpson

-Streams In The Desert

GOD IS MY REFUGE

Near the Cross, a trembling soul,

Love and mercy found me;

There the Bright and Morning Star

Shed His beams around me.

Near the Cross! I’ll watch and wait,

Hoping, trusting ever,

Till I reach the golden strand,

Just beyond the river.

In the Cross, in the Cross,

Be my glory ever,

Till my raptured soul shall find

Rest beyond the river.

-Fanny J. Crosby









My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 32

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Wednesday, May 29th

Day 32

But I say unto you,

that every idle word that men shall speak,

they shall give an account thereof in the day of judgment.

For by thy words thou shalt be justified,

and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. 

Matthew 12:36-37

He that hath knowledge spareth his words:

and a man of understanding is of excellent spirit.

Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise:

and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed as a man of understanding.

Proverbs 17:27-28

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

James 2:19-20

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,

but that which is good to the use of edifying,

that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Ephesians 4:29

-for every idle word there will be a time of accounting

-idle words are careless words – they reveal what is in the heart

Lord, help me to think before speaking – to keep silent when I have nothing of value to say – to remember that words can hurt.

Lord, guide my writing.

Give me the words to share my heart.

Words that encourage.

Words that heal.

Words that teach.

Words that nourish the soul.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

Proverbs 25:11

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 29

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Sunday, May 26th

Day 29

Lord, You speak to me in Your Word.

Yesterday I was done – but You were there.

Hast thou not known?

Hast thou not heard,

that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth,

fainteth not, neither is weary?

There is no searching of His understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might He increaseth strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings as eagles;

they shall run, and not be weary;

and they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Lord, You speak to me in the old hymns of the faith.

Oft-times the day seems long, our trials hard to bear,

We’re tempted to complain, to murmur and despair;

But Christ will soon appear to catch His Bride away,

All tears forever over in God’s eternal day.

—

Sometimes the sky looks dark with not a ray of light,

We’re tossed and driven on, no human help in sight;

But there is One on heav’n who knows our deepest care,

Let Jesus solve your problem – just go to Him in prayer.

—

Life’s day will soon be o’er, all storms forever past,

We’ll cross the great divide to glory, safe at last;

We’ll share the joys of heav’n – a harp, a home, a crown,

The tempter will be banished, we’ll lay our burden down.

Chorus

It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,

Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ;

One glimpse of His dear face

All sorrows will erase,

So bravely run the race

Till we see Christ,

-Esther K. Rusthoi

When I lift my heart, my head, my hands – and praise You, O Lord,

You give me a song!

There is nothing that pleases the Lord so much as praise.

There is no test of faith so true as the grace of thanksgiving.

Are you praising God enough?

Are you thanking Him for your actual blessings that are more than can be numbered,

and are you daring to praise Him even for those trials which are all but blessings in disguise?

Have you learned to praise Him in advance for the things that have not yet come?

“Thou waitest for deliverance! O soul, thou waitest long!

Believe that now deliverance doth wait for thee in song!

“Sigh not until deliverance thy fettered feet doth free:

With songs of great deliverance God now doth compass thee.”

-Streams In The Desert

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 26

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I will stand upon my watch,

and set me upon the tower,

and will watch to see what He will say to me,

and what I shall answer when I am reproved.

And the Lord answered me, and said,

Write the vision,

and make it plain upon tables,

that he may run that readeth it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time,

but at the end it shall speak, and not lie:

though it tarry, wait for it;

because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

Habakkuk 2:1-3

It is perfect rest to fully learn and wholly trust this glorious promise.

We may know without a question that His purposes shall be accomplished

when we have fully committed our way to Him

and are walking in watchful obedience to His every prompting.

This faith will give a calm and tranquil poise to the spirit

and save us from the restless fret of trying to do too much ourselves.

Wait,

and every wrong will righten;

Wait,

and every cloud will brighten,

If only you will wait.

-A.B. Simpson

-Springs In The Valley

“Write the vision.”

For years I have been writing my daily conversations with God in black composition books. I now have bookshelves filled with years of this faith journey.

It has helped me to see where I have been and where God is taking me.

When I began this journey on April 28th, I knew I would not make it without holding fast to God’s hand, and telling Him my heart’s hurts and listening to His guidance. I did not expect Him to ask me to share my private thoughts. But that is exactly what He did.

It didn’t happen that first day. God had to get me through the initial shock and confusion, but I began sharing on May 11th and there have been some days that I just could not get on the computer so there is a time lag of about 20 days. It has been 46 days and I am only on day 26. There were days when all I could do was read my Bible and my devotionals (in case you haven’t noticed I have three favorites – Springs In The Valley, Streams In The Desert, and My Utmost For His Highest) and always talking to God.

Thank you to each one of you who have shared your thoughts with me, encouraged me, prayed for me, and loved me. You will never know how much it matters!

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 25

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When the soul is anchored to the will of God and His exceeding great and precious promises,

with the calm unwavering confidence that His power and love are behind us

and never fail us until all His will for us is accomplished,

our life must be victorious.

In the center of the whirlpool,

while the water rushed around,

there’s a space of perfect stillness,

though with turmoil it is bound:

All is calm, and all is quiet,

scarcely e’en a sense of sound.

So with us – despite the conflict –

when in Christ His Peace is found.

-Springs In The Valley

Commit thy way unto the Lord,

trust also in Him;

and He shall bring it to pass.

Psalm 37:5

Roll upon Jehovah thy way;

trust upon Him:

and He worketh.

Young Translation

“He worketh.”

When?

Now.

We are so in danger of postponing our expectation of His acceptance of the trust,

and His undertaking to accomplish what we ask Him to do,

instead of saying as we commit. “He worketh.”

He worketh even now;

and praise Him that it is so.

The very expectancy enables the Holy Spirit to do the very thing we have rolled upon Him.

It is out of our reach.

We are not trying to do it anymore.

“HE WORKETH!”

-Streams In The Desert

God is not concerned about our plans;

He does not say – Do you want to go through this bereavement; this upset?

He allows these things for His own purpose.

The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, nobler men and women;

or they are making us more captious and fault-finding, more insistent upon our own way.

The things that happen either makes us fiends or they make us saints;

it depends entirely upon the relationship we are in to God.

If we say – “Thy will be done,”

we get the consolation of John 17,

the consolation of knowing that our Father is working according to His own wisdom.

When we understand what God is after we will not get mean and cynical.

Jesus has prayed nothing less for us

than absolute oneness with Himself

as He was one with the Father.

Some of us are far off it,

and yet God will not leave us alone until we are one with Him,

because Jesus has prayed that we might be.

-Oswald Chambers

My Utmost For His Highest

Thank You God, for this new day.

Thank You for these devotional readings that point me to You.

Every morning You give me something that reminds me that I am not alone.

You are with me every step of this journey.

Yes, there are difficult moments.

The tears fall.

I shout at the world.

I shout at him.

WHY?

Then I come back to the heart of it all.

YOU ARE WITH ME.

Nothing touches me that doesn’t go through You first.

You have allowed this for Your purpose.

I don’t begin to understand this,

but I trust that You are working out Your plan for my life.

HE WORKETH!

And so I will praise!

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 20

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Day 20

Two are better than one;

Because they have a good reward for their labour.

For if they fall,

The one will lift up his fellow:

But woe to him that is alone when he falleth;

For he hath not another to help him up.

Again, if two lie together,

Then they have heat:

But how can one be warm alone?

And if one prevail against him,

Two shall withstand him;

And a three-fold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,

And shall cleave unto his wife:

And they shall be one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

Have ye not read,

That He which made them at the beginning

Made them male and female,

And said,

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother,

And shall cleave to his wife:

And they shall be one flesh?

Wherefore they are no more twain,

But one flesh.

What therefore God hath joined together,

Let not man put asunder.

Matthew 19:4-6

There were three of us in this marriage –

God – Olin – Charlene

Lord, You are who made this possible.

What You created – this family – has been torn asunder.

He was a part of me, and now he is gone.

I am left with an empty place in me.

Lord, You are the only one who can fill it.

Fill my cup, Lord

I lift it up, Lord

Come and quench this thirsting of my soul

Bread of Heaven, feed me till I want no more

Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 19

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Day 19

Go . . .  have I not sent you?  Judges 6:14

When God sent Gideon it seemed an impossible task

yet because Gideon was obedient it was accomplished.

Lord, if You lead me I will follow and watch to see Your plan unfold.

Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit. – God

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

Philippians 4:13

In the evening my wife died.

The next morning I did as I had been commanded.  

Ezekiel 24:18

The great God wants our conspicuous crises to be occasions of conspicuous testimony;

our seasons of darkness to be opportunities for the unveiling of the Divine.

He wants duty to shine more resplendently because of the environing shadows.

He wants tribulation only to furbish and burnish our signs.

He wants us to manifest the sweet grace of continuance

amid all the sudden and saddening upheavals of our intensely varied life.

This was the prophet’s triumph.

He made his calamity a witness to the eternal.

He made his very loneliness minister to his God.

He made his very bereavement intensify his calling.

He took up the old task, and in taking it up he glorified it.

“In the evening my wife died. The next morning I did as I had been commanded.”

The evening sorrow will come to all of us:

What shall we be found doing in the morning?

We shall have to dig graves; have burials:

How shall it be with us when the funeral is over?

J. H. Jowett

Make a pulpit of every circumstance.

Springs In The Valley

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might.

Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood,

but against principalities,

against powers,

against the rulers of the darkness of this world,

against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Ephesians 6:10-12

The battles not mine, said little David,

Lord, its thine

I’m in Your favor,

I’m giving it all to You,

I knew not what to do,

I’m so glad You let me see

That You’re really all that I need,

For the battles not mine

I give it to You

Lord its Thine.

Roderick Windham

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 15

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Day 15

I was glad when they said unto me,

Let us go into the house of the Lord.

Our feet shall stand within thy gates, O Jerusalem.

Jerusalem is builded as a city that is compact together:

whither the tribes go up,

the tribes of the Lord,

unto the testimony of Israel,

to give thanks unto the name of the Lord.

For there are set thrones of judgment,

the thrones of the house of David.

Pray for the peace of Jerusalem:

they shall prosper that love thee.

Peace within thy walls,

and prosperity within thy palaces.

For my brethren and companion’s sake,

I will now say,

Peace be within thee.

Because of the house of the Lord our God I will seek thy good.

Psalm 122

KJV

Lord, Sunday seems to be my most difficult day.

I miss him all the time, but especially so on Sunday.

Sitting in our regular space without him by my side brings the loss home to me.

The tears usually begin to fall during the singing.

 I am not alone for family and friends have sat with me,

held my hand, and sometimes cried with me.

Thank You for the support system that surrounds me.

Thank You for Your mercy and Your grace.

I will praise You through my tears.