My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 29

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Sunday, May 26th

Day 29

Lord, You speak to me in Your Word.

Yesterday I was done – but You were there.

Hast thou not known?

Hast thou not heard,

that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth,

fainteth not, neither is weary?

There is no searching of His understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might He increaseth strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings as eagles;

they shall run, and not be weary;

and they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Lord, You speak to me in the old hymns of the faith.

Oft-times the day seems long, our trials hard to bear,

We’re tempted to complain, to murmur and despair;

But Christ will soon appear to catch His Bride away,

All tears forever over in God’s eternal day.

—

Sometimes the sky looks dark with not a ray of light,

We’re tossed and driven on, no human help in sight;

But there is One on heav’n who knows our deepest care,

Let Jesus solve your problem – just go to Him in prayer.

—

Life’s day will soon be o’er, all storms forever past,

We’ll cross the great divide to glory, safe at last;

We’ll share the joys of heav’n – a harp, a home, a crown,

The tempter will be banished, we’ll lay our burden down.

Chorus

It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,

Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ;

One glimpse of His dear face

All sorrows will erase,

So bravely run the race

Till we see Christ,

-Esther K. Rusthoi

When I lift my heart, my head, my hands – and praise You, O Lord,

You give me a song!

There is nothing that pleases the Lord so much as praise.

There is no test of faith so true as the grace of thanksgiving.

Are you praising God enough?

Are you thanking Him for your actual blessings that are more than can be numbered,

and are you daring to praise Him even for those trials which are all but blessings in disguise?

Have you learned to praise Him in advance for the things that have not yet come?

“Thou waitest for deliverance! O soul, thou waitest long!

Believe that now deliverance doth wait for thee in song!

“Sigh not until deliverance thy fettered feet doth free:

With songs of great deliverance God now doth compass thee.”

-Streams In The Desert

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 26

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I will stand upon my watch,

and set me upon the tower,

and will watch to see what He will say to me,

and what I shall answer when I am reproved.

And the Lord answered me, and said,

Write the vision,

and make it plain upon tables,

that he may run that readeth it.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time,

but at the end it shall speak, and not lie:

though it tarry, wait for it;

because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

Habakkuk 2:1-3

It is perfect rest to fully learn and wholly trust this glorious promise.

We may know without a question that His purposes shall be accomplished

when we have fully committed our way to Him

and are walking in watchful obedience to His every prompting.

This faith will give a calm and tranquil poise to the spirit

and save us from the restless fret of trying to do too much ourselves.

Wait,

and every wrong will righten;

Wait,

and every cloud will brighten,

If only you will wait.

-A.B. Simpson

-Springs In The Valley

“Write the vision.”

For years I have been writing my daily conversations with God in black composition books. I now have bookshelves filled with years of this faith journey.

It has helped me to see where I have been and where God is taking me.

When I began this journey on April 28th, I knew I would not make it without holding fast to God’s hand, and telling Him my heart’s hurts and listening to His guidance. I did not expect Him to ask me to share my private thoughts. But that is exactly what He did.

It didn’t happen that first day. God had to get me through the initial shock and confusion, but I began sharing on May 11th and there have been some days that I just could not get on the computer so there is a time lag of about 20 days. It has been 46 days and I am only on day 26. There were days when all I could do was read my Bible and my devotionals (in case you haven’t noticed I have three favorites – Springs In The Valley, Streams In The Desert, and My Utmost For His Highest) and always talking to God.

Thank you to each one of you who have shared your thoughts with me, encouraged me, prayed for me, and loved me. You will never know how much it matters!

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 25

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When the soul is anchored to the will of God and His exceeding great and precious promises,

with the calm unwavering confidence that His power and love are behind us

and never fail us until all His will for us is accomplished,

our life must be victorious.

In the center of the whirlpool,

while the water rushed around,

there’s a space of perfect stillness,

though with turmoil it is bound:

All is calm, and all is quiet,

scarcely e’en a sense of sound.

So with us – despite the conflict –

when in Christ His Peace is found.

-Springs In The Valley

Commit thy way unto the Lord,

trust also in Him;

and He shall bring it to pass.

Psalm 37:5

Roll upon Jehovah thy way;

trust upon Him:

and He worketh.

Young Translation

“He worketh.”

When?

Now.

We are so in danger of postponing our expectation of His acceptance of the trust,

and His undertaking to accomplish what we ask Him to do,

instead of saying as we commit. “He worketh.”

He worketh even now;

and praise Him that it is so.

The very expectancy enables the Holy Spirit to do the very thing we have rolled upon Him.

It is out of our reach.

We are not trying to do it anymore.

“HE WORKETH!”

-Streams In The Desert

God is not concerned about our plans;

He does not say – Do you want to go through this bereavement; this upset?

He allows these things for His own purpose.

The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, nobler men and women;

or they are making us more captious and fault-finding, more insistent upon our own way.

The things that happen either makes us fiends or they make us saints;

it depends entirely upon the relationship we are in to God.

If we say – “Thy will be done,”

we get the consolation of John 17,

the consolation of knowing that our Father is working according to His own wisdom.

When we understand what God is after we will not get mean and cynical.

Jesus has prayed nothing less for us

than absolute oneness with Himself

as He was one with the Father.

Some of us are far off it,

and yet God will not leave us alone until we are one with Him,

because Jesus has prayed that we might be.

-Oswald Chambers

My Utmost For His Highest

Thank You God, for this new day.

Thank You for these devotional readings that point me to You.

Every morning You give me something that reminds me that I am not alone.

You are with me every step of this journey.

Yes, there are difficult moments.

The tears fall.

I shout at the world.

I shout at him.

WHY?

Then I come back to the heart of it all.

YOU ARE WITH ME.

Nothing touches me that doesn’t go through You first.

You have allowed this for Your purpose.

I don’t begin to understand this,

but I trust that You are working out Your plan for my life.

HE WORKETH!

And so I will praise!

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 20

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Day 20

Two are better than one;

Because they have a good reward for their labour.

For if they fall,

The one will lift up his fellow:

But woe to him that is alone when he falleth;

For he hath not another to help him up.

Again, if two lie together,

Then they have heat:

But how can one be warm alone?

And if one prevail against him,

Two shall withstand him;

And a three-fold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,

And shall cleave unto his wife:

And they shall be one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

Have ye not read,

That He which made them at the beginning

Made them male and female,

And said,

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother,

And shall cleave to his wife:

And they shall be one flesh?

Wherefore they are no more twain,

But one flesh.

What therefore God hath joined together,

Let not man put asunder.

Matthew 19:4-6

There were three of us in this marriage –

God – Olin – Charlene

Lord, You are who made this possible.

What You created – this family – has been torn asunder.

He was a part of me, and now he is gone.

I am left with an empty place in me.

Lord, You are the only one who can fill it.

Fill my cup, Lord

I lift it up, Lord

Come and quench this thirsting of my soul

Bread of Heaven, feed me till I want no more

Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 19

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Day 19

Go . . .  have I not sent you?  Judges 6:14

When God sent Gideon it seemed an impossible task

yet because Gideon was obedient it was accomplished.

Lord, if You lead me I will follow and watch to see Your plan unfold.

Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit. – God

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

Philippians 4:13

In the evening my wife died.

The next morning I did as I had been commanded.  

Ezekiel 24:18

The great God wants our conspicuous crises to be occasions of conspicuous testimony;

our seasons of darkness to be opportunities for the unveiling of the Divine.

He wants duty to shine more resplendently because of the environing shadows.

He wants tribulation only to furbish and burnish our signs.

He wants us to manifest the sweet grace of continuance

amid all the sudden and saddening upheavals of our intensely varied life.

This was the prophet’s triumph.

He made his calamity a witness to the eternal.

He made his very loneliness minister to his God.

He made his very bereavement intensify his calling.

He took up the old task, and in taking it up he glorified it.

“In the evening my wife died. The next morning I did as I had been commanded.”

The evening sorrow will come to all of us:

What shall we be found doing in the morning?

We shall have to dig graves; have burials:

How shall it be with us when the funeral is over?

J. H. Jowett

Make a pulpit of every circumstance.

Springs In The Valley

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might.

Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood,

but against principalities,

against powers,

against the rulers of the darkness of this world,

against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Ephesians 6:10-12

The battles not mine, said little David,

Lord, its thine

I’m in Your favor,

I’m giving it all to You,

I knew not what to do,

I’m so glad You let me see

That You’re really all that I need,

For the battles not mine

I give it to You

Lord its Thine.

Roderick Windham

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 15

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Day 15

I was glad when they said unto me,

Let us go into the house of the Lord.

Our feet shall stand within thy gates, O Jerusalem.

Jerusalem is builded as a city that is compact together:

whither the tribes go up,

the tribes of the Lord,

unto the testimony of Israel,

to give thanks unto the name of the Lord.

For there are set thrones of judgment,

the thrones of the house of David.

Pray for the peace of Jerusalem:

they shall prosper that love thee.

Peace within thy walls,

and prosperity within thy palaces.

For my brethren and companion’s sake,

I will now say,

Peace be within thee.

Because of the house of the Lord our God I will seek thy good.

Psalm 122

KJV

Lord, Sunday seems to be my most difficult day.

I miss him all the time, but especially so on Sunday.

Sitting in our regular space without him by my side brings the loss home to me.

The tears usually begin to fall during the singing.

 I am not alone for family and friends have sat with me,

held my hand, and sometimes cried with me.

Thank You for the support system that surrounds me.

Thank You for Your mercy and Your grace.

I will praise You through my tears.

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 13

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Day 13

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked, even min enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh,

they stumbled and fell.

Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear:

though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.

One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after;

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple.

For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion:

in the secret of His tabernacle shall He hide me;

He shall set me up upon a rock.

And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me:

therefore will I offer in His tabernacle sacrifices of joy;

I will sing, yea, I will sing praise unto the Lord.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

When Thou said, Seek My face; my heart said unto Thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek.

Hide not Thy face far from me; put not Thy servant away in anger:

Thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.

Teach me Thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.

Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies:

for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart:

Wait, I say, on the Lord.

Psalm 27

Then said his wife unto him,

Dost thou still retain thy integrity?

Curse God, and die.

But he said unto her,

Thou speakest as one of the women speaketh.

What?

Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?

Job 2:9-10

KJV

His wife said,

“Still holding on to your precious integrity, are you?

Curse God and be done with it.”

He told her,

“You’re talking like an empty-headed fool.

We take the good days from God – why not also the bad days?”

The Message

Lord, You are so good to me.

Thank You!

You do not leave me in the midst of my distress.

You are with me.

You surround me with love.

Thank You!

Lord, give me more of You.

Fill this hole in my heart with more of You.

Thank You for Olin – for all the years – for all the memories – for the family and friends – for the life we built together.

We were blessed.

We are blessed.

Because it isn’t over.

Life goes on – a new path – but it does go on.

Eternal life is promised.

Jesus said,

Because I live, ye shall live also.

God, You have given us so much good,

even the bad times are useful,

teaching us to live life abundantly,

so I will praise You, even to this day.

Through The Dark Valley – Day 11

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Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the Lord hath heard the voice of my weeping.

The Lord hath heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer.

Psalm 6:8-9

I don’t know how, but You, O God, will bring me through this.

I have said before:

You are enough.

Now I will live it.

You are enough.

You are my strength.

You are my Source.

Thank You for keeping me.

Thank You for loving me.

Thank You for saving me.

Thank You for using me.

I am willing to be made willing.

“Prayer is suffering’s best result.”

Eugene Peterson

“O my God, teach me, when the shadows have gathered, that I am only in a tunnel.

It is enough for me to know that it will be all right some day. “

George Matheson

“ ‘The road is too rough,’ I said;

‘It is uphill all the way;

No flowers, but thorns instead;

And the skies over head are grey.’

But One took my hand at the entrance dim,

And sweet is the road that I walk with Him.

“ ‘ The cross is too great,’ I cried –

‘More than the back can bear,

So rough and heavy and wide,

And nobody by to care.’

And One stooped softly and touched my hand:

‘I know. I care. I understand.’

“Then why do we fret and sigh;

Cross-bearers all we go:

But the road ends by and by

In the dearest place we know,

And every step in the journey we

May take in the Lord’s own company.”

-Streams In The Desert

Patience is more than endurance. A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says – “I cannot stand any more.”

God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God’s hands.

For what have you need of patience just now?

Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith.

“Though He slay me, yet I will wait for Him.”

Oswald Chambers  My Utmost For His Highest

Lord, I am being stretched tighter than I have ever been

I will trust in You – in Your purpose

I am willing to be made willing

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 8

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Day 8

God’s song for me this day – I made a slight change to personalize it.

Sweet Holy Spirit, Sweet heavenly Dove,

Stay right here with me, filling me with Your love.

And for these blessings I lift my heart in praise.

Without a doubt I’ll know that I have been revived,

When I shall leave this place.

Thank You, God, for the celebration of Olin’s life; for the experience of having the sanctuary filled with the Holy Spirit; for the love and support of so many family and friends; for those who watched remotely; and for each and every prayer lifted for us.

Thank You for walking with me through this past week; for smoothing the rough road; for holding me close; for Your Holy Spirit which strengthens me and keeps me.

This morning I walked back into that sanctuary to worship and praise You. I sat in our regular pew with Emma and Charlotte on one side of me and Jacob on my other side. I was surrounded by a church family who are with me in this most difficult time. Thank You Father – I am not alone.

Thank You, only two little words, but my heart is full of praise and thanksgiving, even to this day when the sense of loss is so deep. So I say THANK YOU GOD! I pray that in all of this You would receive honor, glory and praise.

And the God of all grace,

who called you to His eternal glory in Christ,

after you have suffered a little while,

will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.

I Peter 5:10

There is a peace, which is not the peace of the Son of God.

Be not that our peace, O God!

We cannot know Thy stillness until it is broken.

There is no music in the silence until we have heard the roar of battle!

We cannot see Thy beauty until it is shaded.

After the shadows, the sunlight will come.

– Springs In The Valley

My Journey Through The Dark Valley – Day 4

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As the plow cuts a deep furrow in the field – so this pain cuts a deep furrow in my heart.

Lord, You are preparing my heart for the seed You will plant.

Day 4  5:30 a.m.

Lord, I thank You for Larry Pippin. He made a difficult day much easier.

I appreciate his kindness and concern.

Olin is with you and no longer needs his earthly body but I know that his body will be treated with respect and cared for in a loving manner – I trust Larry to do this.

Lord, be in the planning of this service.

May Your Name be lifted up in praise.

May the gospel of Jesus Christ be heard.

Use this for Your glory.

God’s Song For Me This Day

Years I spent in vanity and pride,

Caring not my Lord was crucified,

Knowing not it was for me He died

            On Calvary.

By God’s Word at last I learned,

Then I trembled at the law I’d spurned,

Till my guilty soul imploring turned

            To Calvary.

Now I’ve given to Jesus everything,

Now I gladly own Him as my King,

Now my raptured soul can only sing

            Of Calvary.

O, the love that drew salvation’s plan!

O, the grace that brought it down to man!

O, the mighty gulf that God did span

            At Calvary!

Mercy there was great and grace was free;

Pardon there was multiplied to me;

There my burdened soul found liberty,

            At Calvary!

More Reality Moments:

Meeting with Larry to make the arrangements and meeting with the cemetery staff.